Previous English captain Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet deal with the full ramifications of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast two weeks after learning he has the disease.
"There's something about confronting what lies ahead and being reluctant to completely absorb that at the present time," he stated.
"This doesn't mean I am unaware of where it's going. We grasp that. But there is certainly a hesitation to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking alongside his wife Annie, says rather he feels "at ease" as he focuses on his current welfare, his family and planning ahead for when the illness deteriorates.
"Maybe that's surprise or maybe I process things in another way, and once I have the information, it's easier," he stated further.
Initial Signs
Moody found out he had MND after noticing some lack of strength in his shoulder area while working out in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the problem, a series of scans indicated nerves in his central nervous system had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're understandably quite emotional about it, but it's so strange because I sense that everything is fine," he added.
"I don't sense unwell. I don't sense unwell
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have a small amount of muscle wasting in the fingers and the shoulder region.
"I remain able to doing anything and everything. And hopefully that will persist for as long as is feasible."
Illness Progression
MND can develop swiftly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the condition takes the lives of a one-third of people within a 365 days and more than half within 24 months of identification, as swallowing and respiration become more difficult.
Medical care can only retard deterioration.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," commented an emotional Moody.
"It's the sorrow around having to break the news to my mum - as an only child - and the consequences that has for her."
Personal Impact
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was consumed with sentiment when he spoke about informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the traumatic news, saying: "That represented the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two brilliant boys and that was rather heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We positioned ourselves on the sofa in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog leapt across and started licking the drops off our faces, which was rather amusing."
Moody stated the emphasis was remaining in the now.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be very strongly concentrated on just welcoming and appreciating each moment now," he said.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been truly fortunate that the only real decision I made when I left playing was to devote as much time with the kids as feasible. We don't get those periods back."
Sportsman Link
Professional competitors are unevenly affected by MND, with research suggesting the prevalence of the disease is up to sixfold greater than in the broader public.
It is believed that by restricting the O2 obtainable and causing damage to neural pathways, frequent, intense physical activity can activate the condition in those already genetically susceptible.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England caps and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in honour of his brave, relentless method to the game.
He competed through a bone injury of his leg for a time with Leicester and once initiated a practice confrontation with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he abandoned a tackle pad and commenced participating in tackles.
After coming on as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the set piece in the critical phase of play, creating a foundation for playmaker Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding drop-goal.
Backing Community
Moody has earlier told Johnson, who captained England to that championship, and a couple of other previous colleagues about his diagnosis, but the remaining individuals will be finding out his news with the remainder of public.
"There will be a time when we'll need to depend on their assistance but, at the minute, just having that sort of affection and acceptance that people are there is the crucial thing," he commented.
"Rugby is such a great family.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even should it ended now, I've valued all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you get to consider your passion your vocation, it's one of the most significant honors.
"Achieving this for so extended a time with the squads that I did it with was a delight. And I am aware they will wish to support in any way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
